Tuesday, March 13, 2007
My first Saturn Return
Well...here it is.
The infamous Saturn Return.
Anyone with any knowledge of Astrology, and anyone with absolutely no knowledge of Astrology knows what it means when you "turn 30". No one escapes it (unless you decide to leave the planet before the 30 candles are installed on your cake), and no one escapes the necessary shifts that accompany it.
I wonder...where and who were you at 30?
Marriages, divorces, new jobs, losing old jobs, gaining wisdom, applying knowledge, realizing the mistakes you're making, seeing the Light yet surrounded by Darkness, realizing you ARE the Light and yet knowing you are the darkness too, having hope for the future and courage to face everything - including your past, and certainly your future - yet all the while allowing and embracing your Present - however poised between two worlds you are?
This is my very first Solar Return (in this lifetime at least) and thought I owed it to myself and my public (the cool readers that you are) to note some of my own experiences of this time.
My Saturn lies in Leo in the 9th House (for those who care to know).
It's funny how the day before mine was one of the most profound of my life in so many ways.
It arrived with a feeling of mourning, of sadness, when Birthdays are often a time of Joy and magic for me. So many amazing things are manifesting in my existence now, yet so many things pulled so many emotions out of me.
Letting feelings be there seems key to moving though any of them. Not trying to shift them, deny them or ignore them but just to feel how you feel - however elated, however rotten.
This Saturn Return time is called Hell by some and Heaven by others - Hell, as the structures of safety and security (we perceive them to be anyway) crumble...and Heaven to those who want releasing from the very same structures. In many ways we experience both - two sides of the same coin.
We are strong. And Saturn comes to show us that, strangely enough, by enabling us to feel (or be, momentarily) "weak".
We are spiritual beings here not to try and become spiritual, like we're told by so many. Because we cannot ever NOT be spiritual.
We are here to be Human, and I think for the longest time it's easy to use knowledge in a way to disengage from the true humanity of our hearts. Information isn't experience.
And since my natal Saturn lies in the 9th house (of the Sage, the Teacher, the Seeker) I too now face the momentous task of putting together all I have "learned" and being able to live that learning. Walking your talk is what some would call it.
I know the path ahead asks that of me, and of us all - and I will endeavor to do my best to share the Truth of my own Journey and light the way for others on theirs. Whether we actually get to walk side by side on each others paths, that's a beautiful thing, but we all share the same journey anyway - whether we leave graffiti on the walls, or leave a pile of rocks at the side of the road for others to add a rock to, we all walk the same path, at different times. Only the scenery changes, but we don't.
I'm reading a book (surprise surprise that I'm reading more with Saturn in my 9th House of Wisdom) entitled Waking Up Together' by Paul Williams and enjoying it immensely. It reminded me of the simple things in life, the life I have always been drawn to, but often forget about.
So this Saturn Return in Leo reminds me to love myself, open up to Joy, open up to sharing the simple wisdom of life. I just looked at the cover picture and didn't see its significance the first time - a sun blazing through the clouds.
To realize our Sun, and the power of our inner Light, we need to march through the Night. Only then can we see how truly bright we are.
I think that sums up my Saturn Return. You may experience, or have experienced, another kind of Return. Saturn shows the way by helping us master our fear. Then we discover our true power.
Since Saturn has looped around our charts fully at least once now, we are free of the 'karma of our former selves'.
I like that. So I'll take it.
Here's to all souls everywhere who are yet to experience their Saturn Return or are now, or will soon. It is a time of profound depth - sometimes quiet, sometimes sad, sometimes celebratory, sometimes concerned with outer achievement, at other times inner solitude. But we come face to face with the mortality of some areas of our lives, and with that comes a humbling sense of safety and comfort.
That, in all actuality, living as a human is like standing on the Titanic in its closing chapters, and continuing to play the violin, to sing, and dance, because in the end we all know will end up in the waters of the abyss once more, whether we feel able to swim or not.
And it is our choice, as the ship continues to sink, to rise up in that moment of realization, to stand and dance and sing and play and laugh while watching the stars, or as the ship continues to sink, sink into a depression of knowing that soon it will all be over.
Does life begin at 30? No, it started when you started this sentence. And just has again. And again. And the only choice and power we have is how to use the minute we find ourselves in, 60 seconds stretched out into an eternity of its own.
This first 30 years of my own journey has been...un-friggin-believable.
How can one use words to describe and how many adventures (9th house!) I ended up on that I never planned or thought possible? The Universe is truly the greatest tour guide I've ever met.
As Chapter One closes and Chapter Two opens, I can only be filled with the wonder of the stars (inner and outer) and wonder where the path leads next and how I can share with that path what the path has shared with me.
Here's to not knowing in the next 30 years! That way, more will become known and shared and the journey continues and (shh, don't tell Saturn) never truly ends.